Addressing Grief in Preparation for Permanency

 

 

Addressing Grief in Preparation for Permanency

Exploring a Young Person’s Emotional Journey to Permanency 

 

Permanency, whether through adoption, reunification, or guardianship, can be seen as the ultimate goal for youth in foster care. However, for many, the journey to permanency is fraught with challenges that go beyond logistical and legal hurdles. One significant barrier to successful permanency is the unresolved grief and trauma that many foster youth carry. Understanding and addressing these emotional burdens is crucial for making permanency not just a goal, but a sustainable reality. 

 

For many youth in foster care, grief is a constant companion. This grief can stem from a variety of sources: the loss of biological family, the loss of stability and routine, and even the loss of self-identity. Each new placement can trigger a fresh wave of grief, compounding the emotional load and making it difficult for youth to fully engage with new potential permanent families. This persistent grief can impact their behavior, emotional health, and ability to form new attachments. 

 

When a young person is facing the loss (whether through death or separation) of biological family – whether it be parents, siblings, grandparents, or otherwise – foster care’s regular disruption of stability and routine may only exacerbate this grief. For foster youth, every move to a new placement disrupts their sense of normalcy and forces them to adapt to an unknown environment. This constant state of flux can hinder their ability to form trusting relationships and maintain emotional stability. 

 

“You’re never okay as a foster kid–it’s abrupt, scary. It’s traumatic. Very traumatic… For my first six months in the system, I slowly developed depression because with the life I was in and the life I lived, I thought that was my normal. And when I was given a normal life, my world came crashing down.” 

Anthony Rey, age 18, 3 years in Missouri foster care system 

 

Healing from this deep-seated grief is not just important, it is essential for the success of any permanency plan. Without addressing these emotional wounds, youth may find it difficult to trust and bond with new caregivers. Healing requires a supportive environment where youth can process their experiences, feel safe to express their emotions, and begin to rebuild their sense of self-worth. 

 

Recognizing the trauma that foster youth have experienced is the first step. Understanding how that trauma reflects in a young person’s behavior is the next. In order to create safe spaces for expression and begin to provide consistent emotional support, recognizing how a young person’s trauma shows up daily in their words, thoughts, and actions is critical. 

 

“A lot of situations could show up, like, it could make you look like you’re a juvie, but really it’s because of your mental health.” 

Trinity Mathews, age 23, 8 years in New York foster care system 

 

Many youth in foster care share that professional mental health support has been important in navigating their grief and beginning the healing process. They describe therapy and counseling as providing valuable tools for understanding and managing emotions, developing healthy coping mechanisms, and building resilience. Consistent and trauma-informed mental health care can help them feel more prepared for the emotional demands of permanency. However, this kind of support is not always accessible to every young person in foster care. 

 

“I feel like they need to have more… support like therapy, grief counseling because a lot of the girls I lived with in my home, they had lost parents and they had lost siblings and everything and they kind of just were told to ‘thug it out.’ And if they did give a therapist, the therapist did the bare minimum to help them.” 

Cloud Wilkins, age 21, 4 years in Michigan foster care 

 

Preparing youth for permanency involves more than just finding the right family; it requires ensuring that both the youth and the family are ready to navigate the complexities that come with it. The journey to permanency for youth in foster care is closely linked with their emotional healing and the resolution of grief.

Experiences shared by Anthony Rey, Trinity Mathews, and Cloud Wilkins reveal how unresolved trauma and inadequate mental health support are common challenges for many young people in care. True permanency goes beyond securing a permanent placement; it necessitates addressing the emotional wounds left by past experiences. It also means creating an environment where the youth feels consistently understood and supported, not just immediately after placement, but for years to come. 

 

About FosterClub and the Lived Experience Leaders who contributed their perspectives to this blog: FosterClub, a proud partner of the National Center for Adoption Competent Mental Health, is the national network for young people who experience foster care. In partnership with Lived Experience Leaders, FosterClub drives change in the child welfare system and provides direct support to children and youth. Read more about these Lived Experience Leaders from FosterClub: 

Anthony Rey: www.fosterclub.com/biographies/anthony-rey 

Trinity Mathews: www.fosterclub.com/biographies/trinity-mathews 

Cloud Wilkins: www.fosterclub.com/biographies/cloud-wilkins