Written by Cristina Tanzola
Adoption is often celebrated as a new beginning, but for many youth, it’s a complex journey filled with layered emotions and experiences. Part of the process is working with providers who understand adoption competency. Adoption competency refers to the skills, knowledge, and understanding that professionals—like social workers, therapists, and educators—need to effectively support children who are adopted or in foster care, as well as their families.
The Importance of Permanency and Respect
Alex Oleson, a Lived Experience Leader, was adopted into a multi-racial family and has navigated this journey. In his experience, he learned a great deal about the importance of adoption competency—both for adoptive parents and for the youth themselves.
Alex shares, “I am a 22-year-old Black man adopted into a multi-racial family including white, Hispanic, Black, and American Indian siblings. My family has taught me the importance of permanency and to respect and love others that don’t look like me.”
Growing up in a diverse family has not only enriched Alex’s life but has also instilled a strong sense of identity. Permanency is crucial for any child, especially those who have experienced instability in foster care. It’s not just about having a roof over your head; it’s about having a consistent environment where love and respect flourish. This foundational support allowed Alex to thrive, encouraging him to embrace his individuality while also appreciating the diverse backgrounds of his siblings.
Misconceptions About Adoption
Alex explains “oftentimes going into foster care there is a misconception that a youth starts a new life with a new family…”
This idea that adoption equates to a fresh start can be misleading. While it is a new chapter, it often comes with the weight of unresolved feelings about one’s birth family and past experiences. The phrase “adoption means starting a new life” can be misleading because it oversimplifies the complex emotional journey that adopted children and their families experience.
While adoption certainly offers the opportunity for a fresh beginning and a loving home, it often comes with the weight of past trauma, loss, and identity struggles. Many adopted children carry memories or feelings about their biological families, which can impact their sense of belonging and self-worth. Additionally, the transition to a new family can be filled with challenges, as children may need time to adjust, build trust, and navigate their emotions. Instead of a clean slate, adoption is more about integrating past experiences into a new narrative, emphasizing the need for understanding, patience, and ongoing support as families work together to heal and grow.
Supporting Identity and Connections
Alex recommends “enacting strategies young people have identified such as identity training…”
Identity training focuses on helping individuals, particularly youth, understand and explore their personal identity, including aspects like culture, ethnicity, gender, and life experiences. Identity is a critical aspect of any young person’s development, especially for those in the adoption constellation. Adoptive families should prioritize understanding the unique cultural and emotional backgrounds of their children. By doing so, they empower youth to explore and express who they are while acknowledging their past.
Additionally, Alex shares “I would encourage all adoptive or resource parents to support any young person they adopt in feeling confident in themselves…”
Maintaining connections with birth families can significantly contribute to emotional stability. For many young people, these relationships are lifelines, providing a sense of belonging and continuity. It’s essential for adoptive families to facilitate and encourage these connections, allowing youth to engage with their kin and preserve their history.
Cultivating Emotional Stability
While some may believe that it’s better for a youth to have a fresh start without contact with their birth families—thinking that biological relatives might sabotage the adoption or that staying connected could be too painful—fostering an environment that values permanency, supports identity exploration, and encourages connections with birth families can truly make a difference in the field of mental health. This perspective overlooks the potential for healing and understanding that can come from maintaining those connections.
For many adopted youth, knowing their roots and having access to their biological families can provide a sense of belonging and help them navigate their identities, ultimately supporting their emotional well-being and resilience. Alex shares, “existing relationships with kin are incredibly important for young people’s emotional stability when being adopted. As I reflect on my own journey, the support I received from my adoptive family in maintaining ties with my birth family has been invaluable. These relationships can serve as a source of comfort and identity, reinforcing the idea that one’s past does not need to be erased but can be integrated into a new narrative.”
Adoption competency is more than just a concept; it’s a commitment to understanding the multifaceted experiences of youth in the system. By creating a nurturing environment that prioritizes permanency, supports identity exploration, and fosters connections with birth families, adoptive parents can significantly impact the field of mental health. Ultimately, it’s about equipping young people with the confidence to embrace who they are while navigating their unique journeys. In this way, we can transform adoption into a powerful story of resilience, connection, and love.
About FosterClub and the Lived Experience (LEx) Leaders who contributed their perspectives to this blog: FosterClub, a proud partner of the National Center for Adoption Competent Mental Health, is the national network for young people who experience foster care. In partnership with Lived Experience Leaders, FosterClub drives change in the child welfare system and provides direct support to children and youth.
