Small Steps, Big Dreams
Small Steps, Big Dreams
Written by Arnie Eby
May is National Foster Care Month. At NFPA it is National Foster Family Appreciation Month and around the country states, jurisdictions and agencies nominate and honor a “Foster Parent of the Year.” In this guest blog, Arnie Eby, Executive Director of National Foster Parent Association and a partner with The National Center for Adoption Competent Mental Health Services writes about what this month means to him as a former resource parent.
Long before the month of May arrives, a group of individuals gather to select a theme that honors and reflects the massive undertaking resource families embark on. I am referring to those of us who are members of the National Foster Care Month volunteer team led by the Child Welfare Information Gateway, the unknown people who work year-round to salute all those individuals who step out of their comfort zones to open the doors of their homes to children who need a home when their parents are unable to adequately care for them.
Walking the Walk
Resource parents and kinship caregivers put action to their words. They step up and step in when our vulnerable populations – children and youth – require the safety and comfort of a loving home. Therefore, this year’s theme for National Foster Care Month uses action words “Engaging Youth, Building Supports, Strengthening Opportunities” to express the multi-faceted efforts families expend in helping those in their care.
These action words – “Engaging, Building, and Strengthening” – are used in the present progressive tense. This is because what these caregivers do is an ongoing process – one that does not necessarily come with an end date. There are times when a child is welcomed home only for a day, sometimes a month, and, at times, the child is ultimately adopted by the resource family or reunited with their parent(s). Yes, the uncertainty is part and parcel of what foster parenting entails. Amid all the action that is undertaken lies the fact that resource parents do not know how long a child will stay with them. Is it any wonder we should salute them every day?
What the Action Words Entail
As I look at the words we selected for this year’s theme, memories come flooding in. Recollections of many small, seemingly insignificant encounters that have made a life-long impact on me and my family. While I completely acknowledge the power and necessity of appreciation events – or a month dedicated every calendar year to recognize selfless service – I also feel such events tend to make us think big. We look back, and to the future, for the bigger picture. However, in my musing, I was struck by the multitude of small, oft-overlooked things that come together to complete the mold. Do these items strike a chord in your heart too?
- Sitting on a bed, listening to a child recite their struggles that day.
- Waiting patiently for them to gather their many scattered items before an important appointment, hoping to get a precious few extra seconds to prepare them for what the meeting entails.
- Countless monotonous games of Checkers hoping that playing by their rules and losing with dignity will make them feel happy and satisfied after another hard day.
Many of these scenarios play out regularly at the homes of resource parents and kinship caregivers. These are the multitude of little things that build into a crescendo of calm and hope for the children, and all those impacted by their life.
“No action is too small, no sacrifice too little, no worry too little – it all adds up.”
These are actually the happy days, because often the crises are such that no board game suffices.
My days as a resource parent are now behind me. As Executive Director of NFPA, I focus on three things: networking, educating, and advocacy. I am happy to share the lessons I learned while fostering – and always stress that big accomplishments are the total of many small efforts. Just as the sea holds within its depths all the tiniest water molecules, so also the heartbeat of the child welfare system beats to the rhythm of all the small actions of its players. No action is too small, no sacrifice too little, no worry too little – it all adds up.
In the very action of engaging with the children and youth in foster care, resource parents and kinship caregivers engage, support, and strengthen the child welfare system.